Things I want to tell my sister

Hi,

Your bee hive has been collected today, and taken back to the Bee Centre. They will let us know when it’s settled and we can go and see it and your bees.

They were very impressed with how much honey it had. Said it was down to your bee keeping abilities. You’re officially an Apiraist, sadly not here to be pleased about it.

Been really sad today. It’s not the same without you. The world has lost some if its sparkle. I think we have too. Feel like a piece of me has been ripped away. Been told it never gets easier, you just learn to live with it. Think it’s going to take a lot of learning.

The next sisters day is planned. Our river cruise we were going to do in July. It’s going to be an emotional day for us all. Plenty of tears, but plenty of laughs at the memories that will stay with us. You’ll be there with us in our hearts.

Love you always. Miss you forever. X

Hi

Had a tour of my new store today. Got a bit of stuff to get my teeth into which will keep me busy for a while!

Went to see the Rents last night. They are doing ok. Same as us all, want you here with us.

Tracey has had her mortgage protection come through, and shes overwhelmed by how much shes had! Can pay off her mortgage, sort the radiators out, fix her roof and get a new boiler. She’ll still have some left for income too while she finishes her chemo!

About to start planning our next sisters day. Think we will do the river cruse we had planned. Know you’ll be there in our hearts and I spirit.

Love you lots

X

Here’s my bald head for you to laugh at! Brave the Shave completed, time to grow a funky mohawk or similar now!

Had a crowd watching in store, and lots of confused looking customers, and one opportunistic shoplifter who thought my team were distracted! Wrong, obvs.

Very strange to feel the wind on my head, but it feels good running my hands over it. Let’s see how long it takes to grow.

I managed not to cry too, not for the hair going, but because I know you’d have been there cheering me on if you could.

The amount of people who came to your funeral, and celebration of life was amazing. Well over 200, who also donate lots to the two causes we knew you’d have chosen. Met some of your friend I’ve never seen before, heard lots of stories about fun times you’d had. Shed a lot of tears too.

A memory came up on facebook today that you posted a year after being diagnosed with PH. One year into your five year life expectancy prognosis. So sad that in the end, you didn’t even get the 5 years. But the time you had, you filled with love, laughter and adventure.

Miss you always

Love you forever.

X

Took you lots of letters yesterday, wherever you are now, hope you get to read them all. I’ve no idea what people have said, sure it’s nothing but love.

Corran has had his second driving lesson. He tells me it went well, and he got to 60mph on the road by us! He’ll be driving you old car around in no time.

We had a get together at yours last night too. Lots of Mark’s family were there, and all but Corran on our side. Even Stuie came and brought a curry.

Was good to have time to check in on each other, ensure everyone was fed. Mark also now has a freezer full of meals, so won’t go hungry without you cooking for him!

Today is your funeral. We had a mix up with times so had to get back in touch with everyone to let them know. Can’t organise anything right without you. You were our chief planner and instigator.

Today will be tough for everyone. But we have lots of lovely pictures of you to share with everyone. Great memories of fun times. Hoping to hear some more funny stories. I’m sure if you were with us you’d be laughing at all of them.

I’ve printed the poem I’m going to read. Kerry and Tracey have my back to get me through the reading. Been told I can cry and snot afterwards, but need to be strong and focused while I’m up there. I’ll give it my best shot, promise.

Love you always

X

Hi, lots been happening the last few days.

Lumpy dog has had her lump grow shrink and grow again. Been to the vets, and going to get it removed for her. Another scar to add to her collection.

Been to our usual campsite for a few days. Had a couple of days on the beach and swimming in the sea. Its freezing as usual, but has to be done. Saw some common lizards this time, but no seals or dolphins. Cadii was lovely as usual, very sorry to hear about you. Agreed that things are just shit.

Came back earlier than planned, as the usual Welsh weather was about to hit! Got out while we could pack a dry tent away.

Did come back for a day to speak to the celebrant about your service. Was nice to share stories about you, and hear some I’d not known about. Just wish you’d have been there too.

Missing you loads!

X

Well the chapel of rest was not what I expected at all. You are not there in that coffin, you are somewhere a lot nicer. Surrounded by flowers and bees and dogs of course!

We have plans to ensure everyone at your funeral remembers you fondly, not that it’s a hard thing for anyone to do. You were one amazing lady. Full of hope and stubborn as the rest of us.

In other news, I have accepted a move to a bigger store! Start in a couple of weeks. I’m hoping the new challenge takes my mind off losing you for a few hours a day. Still doesn’t seem real. Was really expecting you to jump up with the phrase “plot twist” and shout at us for crying and snotting. But sadly that’s just wishful thinking.

From all you have been through, I knew that one day this could happen. But in my optimistic heart, didn’t think it actually would. Especially not this soon after transplant, and not here one day gone the next with no warning. I didn’t even get to phone you with the update after Traceys last chemo, as I had planned to.

I will have to keep you updated on here, and hope wherever you are, you get to see it.

Love you lots. X

Had to take Isla to the vets today. Her lump on her back has suddenly got bigger and is hot to touch. They have said it’s nothing to worry about, we can leave it or have it removed. So going to book her in in a couple of weeks time. Shes getting very old and even lumpier!

Tracey had her appointment with the surgeon today to see how her chemo is going and talk about her surgery. Think it’s going to be on 4th December, as they have to wait 5 weeks after her last chemo. Will be a smaller incision than they originally thought too. Which is good.

We have been told that you are ready in the chapel of rest now. So we are coming to see you tomorrow. I’m bringing Tracey, Mum and Dad. Will be odd not hearing your voice.

Mark sent me and Kerry a few videos he’d found with you in. One when you first came home after your transplant. Milo was very excited to see you. There were three of you giving Milo his Christmas prezzies too. He is a very spoilt pooch, lucky to have been rescued by you both.

love you lots and miss you terribly. X

Picked Tracey up today. Was hoping to bring her to see you, but they haven’t got you ready yet. We will be there as soon as they let us.

Went for a walk up Rivington too. Tracey got upset after seeing where we lost you. But think it’s something we have all needed to do.

Showed her the poem I would like to say at the crem, which had us both crying. You’d probably be laughing at us if you saw us.

Realised grief is a very odd thing. It has no set path or plan, just smacks you in the face at random times for random things. A song, a memory, a thought is all it takes to make you stop in your tracks.

Had a message off your transplant buddy today. You’d be very proud of her. Came first with her team at the transplant games! Said she gave her all for you, and was talking to you through out the match.

Missing you lots. X

Managed almost a full shift back in work today. Mixed feelings about it though.

On one hand, it’s good to have a bit of normality. But there is an element of guilt that I shouldn’t be doing normal things.

You’d probably tell me to stop being stupid and get on with it if you were still her. But it’s harder than I thought it would be.

Found myself talking about you a lot. But that will never change. X

Finally getting the shepherds hut up in the woods. We’ve had two builders helping, along with A,B &S.

Just got the roof to go, which is happening on Monday.

Already discovered an issue with the plans to put a sofa bed in there, door is too small to fit one through! Going to have to get creative and make something I think.

You’d love it, and we could do with your design skills so it doesn’t end up looking like a twee granny flat! Although, don’t think S will let that happen.