We lost you over two months ago, and its not getting any easier.
I’ve been in funks before, but always manage to pull myself out of them. This feels very different.
I feel lost, don’t want to do anything, always tired, unmotivated and sometimes like I don’t want to be here any more. Tried giving myself a kick up the arse, but to no avail at the moment.
So the next question is how long do I give myself before I get some help? Will it ease on its own? Or do I end up on some meds that will make me feel I’ve lost? Not really something I ever thought I’d need to do to be honest. But it’s looking like it might be needed.
Doesn’t help that work is shit at the moment. Maybe starting in a new place so soon after you died was a bad move. Not got a team I can rely on yet. Too many egos, not enough passion to do the job.
Also think that hubs has his heart (and body) elsewhere. But not feeling strong enough to have that conversation, again, at the moment. Bit scared that I’m right and it will all come tumbling down. So where do I go from here? Answers on a post card!
Still trying to plan a day to help clear out you vlothes and things. No dates have been given yet. But could be this coming week. Will be hard on us all, but harder for Mark.
Tracey has two more chemo appointments left. She’s doing well even if she doesn’t realise it.
Dad’s still waiting for his scan results, and his appointment with the palliative care team.
They list Dexter ladt week too. So are left with Merlyn, the ever crazy pup. We’ve all told them not to get another dog. Dad agrees, Mum not so much! There’s a suprise.
Anyway, moaning isn’t going to help me is it! Time to get into character and face work for another day of hearding cats!
Love you always
Miss you forever. X
Things I want to tell my sister 